Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
