I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
