You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
