and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
