Where is the hickey?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
