Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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