Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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