Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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