he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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