i just wanna soil my oats bro
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
