call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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