im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
