Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
