i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
