Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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