12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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