I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They have beer where we have blood.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
