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The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
