she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
