I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
