She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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