I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
