Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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