White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
