I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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