There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
