At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
