All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
