I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We left an ass print on the piano.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
