We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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