please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
