When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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