Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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