i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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