Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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