i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
