The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
