When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize