I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
