I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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