It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
