Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
