I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
