do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize