Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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