You just made me feel so damn special
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
