You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
bring money and cleavage
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
