call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
