I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
