what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
