sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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