It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize