it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
