I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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