now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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