You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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