you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
