I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
