Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
