Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
