I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
