Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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