Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
