so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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