cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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