You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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