theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
