Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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