Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
