Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i now understand why vodka
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
