i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
