He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
