Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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