Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
