Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
