Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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