Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've blown a few things in my day
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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