kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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