There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
